Home and Improvement,  Mindfulness,  Mindset,  Parenting,  Relationships

How To End A Generational Cycle

As I mature, I’ve started to notice some of my parents’ traits blossoming within me. Some have been beneficial, and some have been negative. The truth: generational patterns don’t have to define us. 

What Are Generational Patterns?

A generational pattern or ‘curse’ when taken to the extreme, is when a person develops sinful habits or beliefs that negatively affect their life and those around them from the inherited habits or preferences of their parents. A person’s family has the greatest influence on their development, even the development of their patterns of sin. The term ‘Generational Curse‘ derives from the Old Testament, when God punished the Israelites by punishing the children of the fourth generation for the sins of their fathers. However, the Bible states in Ezekiel 18:20, that the child will not share the guilt of the father and vice versa. It says, “The one who sins is the one who will die. The child will not share the guilt of the parent, nor will the parent share the guilt of the child. The righteousness of the righteous will be credited to them, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against them.” This shows that every person represents themselves.

For example, claiming to have inherited the generational curse/pattern of alcoholism, anger, lust, etc., is actually flawed. Let me put it this way: There is no curse. There are just consequences of actions and learned behavior. The immediate consequence of being the child of an alcoholic parent is neglect and abuse. Although it is the alcoholic parent’s sinful nature, the consequences spread to the spouse and the kids. The kids will then have 2 choices: to allow the developed trauma of their parent’s sins to guide their path or choose not to follow in their footsteps. The latter is way harder than it seems, but it can be done through self-awareness, genuine repentance, a contrite heart, and Jesus Christ. 


Some negative generational patterns in relationships include: 

  • Hostility towards partners 
  • Short tempers
  • Domestic abuse/violence towards partners
  • Lack of loyalty/cheating 

How To Break The Cycle

Breaking the cycle is not easy, however, it is POSSIBLE!

Breaking the cycle comes when you have developed enough self-awareness to know that the root cause of the problem is held in the spiritual realm. Diving into the Word of God, applying it, and fighting alongside the spiritual realm by meeting halfway in the physical realm (actively and consciously choosing to switch the route your path takes), is what will break the cycle for generations to come. So how can we meet God halfway? By understanding the psychological side of behavior. Meaning, tracking the patterns of pain and patterns of sin to see why you get triggered so easily. Look for similarities, whether it is the location, the date, the time, the place, or the people you’re with, and see how your behavior shifts before engaging in the negative behaviors. Also, look at how you grew up– was there an event in your life that led you to the place you are today? What has been developed in your siblings or parents? For example, if your parents argued often and were verbally abusive toward each other, then you are more than likely (often unconsciously) to be verbally abusive toward your own spouse. By locating the root of the pattern, you can start to tackle the problem head-on. 

Lastly, it’s important to know that God also stated that His love covers thousands (multiple generations) of those who love Him and keep His Word. All it takes is ONE person to save a generation. 


It isn’t always easy to look deep inside ourselves to find the root of the problem. Sometimes we need an outside perspective to get us where we want to be. That’s where I can help. 

As a life coach, I can help you understand the trauma you faced growing up with your family by helping you make sense of the experiences you have lived through, so you can overcome those negative feelings. Together, we will work on processing the motivations behind repeating the patterns. If you’re interested, please schedule a 1-on-1 consultation with me here


Even if you can locate the problem yourself, sometimes it is difficult to know what to do next. Changing yourself for the better is a hard journey to travel alone. A life coach will help you through every step in the process, so you will feel supported.

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation here .


“Tell your children about it, and let your children tell their children, and their children the next generation.” (Joel 1:3)

**Erica weaves themes of transformative hope and grace-filled leadership into everything she shares on her blog. She’s an author, a speaker, and a life coach, who offers honest encouragement and road-tested wisdom about topics ranging from leadership and lifestyle, to discovering your God-crafted identity, design, and purpose.

This post is sponsored by: https://hype.co/@ericakenechi

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